On Becoming a Security Guard…

Thursday, March 5: I RSVP to a piece of mail inviting me to attend an orientation to learn more about a free 4 week training class to be a security guard offered by the Employment Division of California. The only useful part of having applied for Unemployment Benefits (but denied) have been these infrequent notices of odd things.

Tuesday, March 10: I attend said orientation and find that the only conflict of dates I would have potentially is with one day of the Coachella Arts and Music Festival. Maybe. They weren’t really sure of the dates of the class. Except when it starts. More to learn later. I have to get in the program first. There will be optional gun certification, and baton training. I pass the written exam, with its 20 multiple choice questions, to determine if I have the comprehension of English equivalent to a 9th grader. I do. In fact, I get 100%, a good thing since many of the questions are conceptually of the sort that I am tutoring elementary school children on how to interpret. I meet all the other requirements listed, knowing I will pass DOJ and FBI scrutiny, having already passed US Marshals scrutiny earlier in my life, and no convictions or crimes have been committed since.

Thursday, March 12: Interviews are taking place to determine who enters the program. I am racking my brains to come up with convincing logic as to why I would even want to be in this program. They want people who will be making a career of law enforcement, that getting this job would be a first step. I may have no interest in being a cop, but forensics has always been an interest of mine. I do watch CSI, NCIS, Bones, Law & Order: SVU and Life. Regularly. By choice. I used to watch Quincy, too. And when on that 8th grade trip to Washington, D.C. that I think all school children of the U.S. go on, I still remember vividly walking through the FBI lab, and seeing a man’s bloody shirt hanging there to be examined, blood spread in a pattern most likely from a stomach wound. That and Evan Sisson giving me butterscotches and pocket lint as overtures of liking me. Oh, and let’s not forget my father was an anthropologist/archeologist, so bones, including skulls, were a part of the decor of our house. I also grew up in the country-ish, so guns were part of my upbringing. Not as self-protection though, only as self-reliant access to fresh meat, like Little House on the Prairie. I can imagine myself as a peace officer, using words first, and violence only in self-defense. Maybe not even then. Maybe I am not the best choice for this. But I can imagine maybe working for the Forestry Department or Park Bureau as security is more what I would be good at. Or patrolling a quiet building afterhours. Let’s not forget that many a music festival hires tons of security to get people through the gates, and I already interviewed for a job that would have had me work all the major music venues in town, but I needed to get my guard card. This program would get me that. So it is not as far-fetched as it at first seems, mild mannered, quiet me as a guard.

I don’t think I did very well at my interview, which I was unclear would be with one person only, and was over before anyone else’s in my interview group. But it was with the Music Center security force, how perfect a match is that, the people who deal with patrons of the Disney Concert Hall,

Frank Gehry's Disney Concert Hall

Frank Gehry's Disney Concert Hall

Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, Ahmanson Theatre and Mark Taper Forum. In other words, the high end clientele of Los Angeles. The creme de la creme. The wealthy, the ones most likely to make donations. The interviewer, a guard himself, stressed that 95% of the job dealt with communication, first and foremost. Customer service. Somehow the mental logic I came up with on the application never gets said, specifically emphasizing how communication would be my main weapon.

But, I won’t know the results of the interview until I receive a letter saying one way or the other. I console myself with a mocha on the walk home.

Assuming I won’t make it into the program, I am thrilled when I get home to see that I can take on more students to tutor in my neighborhood. I get two more to replace the two that have just completed. The agency tells me they may extend the completion deadline for me, since the students are entering the program so late. So another two months of part time employment for me! Even if I get into the security guard training program, I can tutor too, as the hours don’t conflict. Action = a confluence of opportunities manifesting.

Coincidence? Is the Law of Attraction working in my favor? Do I even believe in such things? Who cares! Another two months of financial reprieve that I don’t have to think hard about getting a full time job. This means a summer of music festivals and travelling is again looking promising. I am awesome, hear me roar! Oh wait, that would be more evidence of the Law of Attraction working. Like I said, who cares. Works for me that my life is looking good.

This is particularly fortuitous since I have already started talking with various friends about visiting come May on my way up for Sasquatch Music Festival, including a short stay with a friend living in Victoria, to test run writing collaboration. It is all coming together.

Saturday, March 14: I receive my letter stating that I have indeed not made it into the program but they would keep me informed of future programs. I am relieved. If nothing else, I have learned about the resources of this nearby work center, where the orientation and interviews are held and can get help with interviewing, something I know I need help with, and picked up a few more job websites to check.

And thus ends my potential career as a security guard.

2 Responses to “On Becoming a Security Guard…”

  1. gary Says:

    wait, it isn’t the 22nd yet….
    Paul Blart Mall Cop meets Sarah Clune Arts Cop.
    blahbittyblahblah—My little brain remembers a lot of tunes, but also wvbr from Cornell and wicb from Ithaca college have superb radio programs–many and varied, my favorite is the English dude on Saturday afternoon with the ultimate 80s show!

    • redroomsalon Says:

      D’oh! Thanks, eagle-eyed Gary! I actually had it right to begin with, and changed it AFTER consulting my calendar. Oops!

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