So, today I took a step. After spending time with various friends across the country, and their children, I took matters into my own hands about the fact that I do not have a child, despite my efforts to be a mother.

My main problem has always been the men I choose to involve myself with. They have not wanted to have children. Now, me personally, I have always taken that as a sign that they are intelligent, thoughtful, forward thinking men, to give serious thought to whether or not to bring children into this world and all the responsibilities it entails. And me personally, I have always thought that they would eventually change their minds. However, I have not been with them long enough to see that change of mind. After seven years, and the same statement said, I am willing to believe perhaps they don’t want children.

But I never said I didn’t. I just don’t want to raise a child entirely by myself. I want to have support. I have seen my sister be a wonderful, patient, nurturing mother and feel like she is failing because she is tired, and yells at her daughter. I have seen more than one friend suffer from a lack of sleep, tending to the needs of their child, alone. It is not what I want, not what I would wish for anyone else.

But what I have also seen is that same sense of failure and exhaustion among my friends who are married, who do have support in a spouse. It is the nature of being a parent.

So if I want to raise a child, I can. I have always known I could, I just really wanted it to involve love and support with someone else.

Today, I called the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services and scheduled to attend an orientation later this month to find out about being a foster or adoptive parent for the County of LA. I know of more than one person that being a foster parent has led to them being an adoptive parent. I also know that being a foster parent and not ending up as an adoptive parent has been heartbreaking for them. I know all this.

But you know that phrase, “It is better to have lost in love than never have loved at all?” I think that is the operating principle here. I should at least try.

And as for support, what more support could I possibly desire than the resources of the county of Los Angeles?

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2 Responses to “Adoption?”

  1. gary Says:

    NO WAY! 🙂 You’d be a cool mom.

  2. redroomsalon Says:

    Thanks. I would like to think so too. And maybe it would finally motivate me to provide, rather than slack. 🙂

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