Trouble

So this is where I get into trouble.

It’s after two in the morning, I’ve exhausted my current ability to watch more television re-runs of episodes of shows I like, and I find myself wandering to the websites like Craigslist or Myspace or OK! Cupid, to be entertained. Because there will always be someone else awake and looking for something. I like to know others are awake too, I tell myself. Or have a laugh. Or some other emotional reaction.

So I go on Myspace, and what should I find, but the rock star has left me yet another message wanting to get together. And he left me the message at a completely reasonable hour. I am baffled, only because I checked my account there shortly after he sent his email, an entirely strange time for me to have been checking, and yet I hadn’t seen it then. I see it now, nearly 8 hours after the fact. Darn. And I dislike the fact that I go for days without bothering to check there, and apparently we are enough psychically linked that on the days I do, it is in response to his sending me messages. Sometimes I really question the usefulness of my psychic abilities, especially its attraction to bad boys in my life.

Trouble is my reaction. Trouble are the thoughts of what to do in response. Trouble are the actions I am willing to take in my drowsy, altered state of just a little past rational thought. Trouble is the fact I seem to no longer care how any of my relationships are defined, I am just thankful there appears to be some men in my life. And having more than one interested and acting on their interest seems to be the order of the day these days. And at 2+ in the a.m., I just don’t care that none of them are what I would actually call relationships. Don’t care. Is that jaded and resigned on my part, or just finally facing reality? Now if I could just get any of them to come over at my beck and call, then maybe that would be an actual relationship of worth.

Or maybe I should just go to bed now and deal with actually taking actions and responding tomorrow, when there is little chance of repercussions from troubled actions I took in the wee hours. Yes, I think that’s the plan…..

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